Dough, filling, maybe some sugar, and you have a pie. It's a staple during the holiday season. So many cultures and families are steeped heavily in tradition and that includes food. Think about your favorite holiday songs growing up. We heard "Chestnuts on an open fire, figgy pudding, later we'll have some pumpkin pie, marshmallows for toasting". Stories that include milk and cookies, and a great roast beast being stolen as well. Even food networks have cookie bake offs during the holiday season. It's everywhere.
Now apply that to a child in care. All of the traditions that we keep and hold so dear, they have that too. They may have even grown up in a completely different culture where Christmas is foreign to them. We have to be super sleuths when it comes to navigating the water during this time of year.
Add to that, the smell of turkey roasting, pies cooking, and everyone in celebration mode may make the child feel distant. It may make them feel like they shouldn't participate out of reverence for his first family or they may just not know HOW to do a Holiday. Do I sit at the kid's table? Am I talking too much or maybe not enough? There sure are a lot of strangers here. It can be overwhelming.
It is so important to include as much culture as you can about the child who is staying with you. Fun ways to do this would be researching recipes together and let them help as much as possible with buying and then cooking the food. Look for ways to incorporate things they may see as loss. Find out if there were holiday traditions and maybe let that be a bonding time with mother and child. Let her get jammies for the night before, or let her know that you will make sure that they get the hot cocoa and popcorn that they expect every year. There are so many ways to use this time to strengthen their relationship as well as yours. It is disarming to hear that a foster family is trying to honor the traditions that the child brings to the table.
As always, be mindful of comments made during large family gatherings. Hearing, "How are her real parents doing" and "I knew they couldn't pull it together" can be very damaging for a child. Try explaining ahead of time that you will not be discussing the case and if needed, that can be talked about on a different day. It is much better to cut that off well before the big day when it can lead to awkward situations.
As you enjoy this beautiful season, all of Foster Blessings thanks you for doing the work. We thank you for putting yourself last and the child first. We thank you for hearing the loss and celebrating the victory. You are making an impact every day that you are praying, loving, guiding, and teaching. Have a wonderful start to the holiday season.
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