Certain holidays are bittersweet for so many in our community. Parental holidays fall into this category. We are going to explore what this day looks like from the perspective of several people.
The Child: So many factors play into this. Just know this. These are the days the child might start to question, "How did I get into this family"? "What caused me to be removed from my first family"? They may want to search for them using social media. ALL of this is normal. Foster/adoptive parents, the number one key is to not take offense. It can be very difficult to hear that your child is curious or may even feel like they miss birth relatives. This does not diminish in any way their love for you. It is the natural inclination of curiosity that is being felt and shown because the parent topic is being spotlighted. The best way to have these conversations is to wonder right along with them. Asking questions like, "How tall do you think your dad is"? or "I wonder if you have his eyes"? helps the child feel the connection that they share with them through DNA and traits. Talking about the circumstances of their foster care journey or adoption should be an ongoing conversation. With age appropriate language, the child should feel comfortable talking about his history and both celebrating family and mourning his loss. Also, praying for first families allows a calm for the child because the realization happens that the God of the universe loves their first families way more than they do and that He is constantly pursuing them. Allowing them to pray for them softens their hearts towards any bitterness that may creep up.
Foster/Adoptive Parent: For foster families, do not let this day go to waste! Encourage your foster child to make a card or craft if they are old enough. Make one yourself using your child's fingerprint or handprint if they are younger. I knew our foster son's father sang him a specific song every visit so I printed out the sheet music, framed it and had him put a paint handprint on the frame. It is the little bonding things that encourage the relationship to stay stable even though time spent together is very limited. If you are in the place where you can supervise visitation, set something up for dad to spend time with his child. It doesn't need to be the whole day. An hour at the park and going for ice cream would most likely mean the world to both people. If able and if cleared with the social worker, invite them to church. Let them see where their child worships and let them see the Gospel in a new light. When we acknowledge the loss that is there and can help be part of the solution, beautiful stories are made.
First Family: This day likely brings up such emotion. No matter the reason you find yourself in this season, we see you. This doesn't just apply to biological mothers and fathers. This also applies to grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends of the family, cousins, and so much more. The child who has been adopted or is even in foster care lost so much more than parents. They lost their world. I never want to forget the extended family who are feeling the loss as well. Not to mention, if they are experiencing this loss, then that may mean another loss of the child's parents as well. Because the child cannot be with their parents, something is wrong. It may be addiction, violence, or even death. That means the extended family is mourning that as well. So days like Father's Day can bring up heavy emotions for so many people.
Father's Day is where we come together to celebrate all that encompasses being a father. We are so grateful for you. Ultimately, we are to find our joy and peace in the very best father there is, the God that created our entire existence! Happy Father's Day!
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