Big Feelings? Little Feelings?

Big Feelings?  Little Feelings? Everything in Between?

                                                                            Free Download! 

          We call it a heart check.  How does your heart feel?  Is it racing or relaxed?  Look at your hands.  Are they shaking or still?  What about your stomach?  Do you feel butterflies or is it calm?  These are all good inward checks that we use to keep anxiety away, or be able to express it.  It could be first day jitters, or recital nerves, or maybe a fight with a friend or sibling.  

          One of our biggest tools is our heart check-in board. During self reflection, it is easier for children to see options and grade what they are feeling.  From there, you have a springboard to talk about why all of these big or little feelings are in your life.  Kids who have experienced loss may not know or understand how to process the trauma they have endured so just knowing that there is a struggle is the beginning of diving into the origins of the emotions.  

          The famous weeping of Jesus in John 11:35, and the anguish He felt in the garden in  Matthew 26, both show us that powerful feelings and emotions are not sinful. It is where we put them that shows our heart. Moses' social anxiety from his adoption left him feeling as an alien in both the Israelite and Egyptian circles.  Later, his loss came out as inferiority when the Lord asked him to go to Egypt and his response was, "Who am I that I should go?" Exodus 3:11, "I have never been eloquent." Exodus 4:10, and "Pardon your servant Lord, please send someone else." Exodus 4:13. I would be hard pressed to find any soul that has not endured some sort of this searing pain, whether it be from loss, or inflicted by another person, we all can pinpoint a time where the emotion was so strong that we we were sure we couldn't find our way out.  

          I am thankful that passages such as these show us the reality of life.  I love that the Lord didn't Instagram the Bible, letting us only see the beautiful parts while laundry is lurking behind every door.  He showed us the deepest flaws, the rawest emotions, and we find solace in that fact. When faced with the heaviness that life can throw, we see both Jesus and Moses having a conversation with the Lord.  It wasn't just blind faith. It was conversation.  It was prayer.  

           While using the tools we are given with our kids, the goal is to get them to seek the Lord.  When they are worried about their birth parents, they can pray.  When reunification is not certain, they can pray.  Maybe there is a big test in school, a friend hurt their heart, or they are just unsettled about life, they can pray. 

        Download this great tool for free and heart check your kids on a regular basis!  You will love the conversation it brings out! 

     

 

Merry Christmas!

      Merry Christmas!  We know that even at this time of year, your family dynamic could be changing.  We know the phone still rings with calls from the home finding unit through the whole holiday season, and as disheartening as that is, we thank you for opening your home, even now.  

     Last year, according to The Family Preservation Foundation, 437,283 children were removed from their first families.  That increases the number of of over 9 million children being removed in the last 20 years.  That is astounding.  

     We have seen families take in children on Christmas Eve, and our own daughter was placed with us on Easter Eve, several years ago. The way the community comes together during these times is such an encouragement!  We had a friend who went out that day and bought us a car seat. Having only hours to prepare to take in a child, especially during a holiday, adds a whole lot to an already messy situation.  However, there is a grace that the Lord extends in the chaos.  

     This season, as we look and see foster and adoptive families around us, let's find a way to be a blessing to them.  That might mean a perfectly timed card of encouragement, offering to make a meal, babysitting so the parents can Christmas shop, or just a listening ear.  There are so many ways to support our families, especially during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.   

     Finally, as we have children in our home who have lost their first families, either permanently, or for the time being, let's look at Jesus in the manger.  He was born for His last day, and on that day, the phrase He uttered, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me"? Matthew 27:46 shows great loss. That day, rather than on us, God poured his wrath on Jesus, who bore our judgement.  The agony that He endured can almost be felt as the words leap off the page. Jesus understands loss, He endured loss and the wonderful truth as we celebrate this Christmas season, is that He did it for us.  He is the Romans 6:23 free gift of God of eternal life.  This tiny baby, that so humbly came to earth in a dirty stable, surrounded by animals as he breathed his first breath, is the reason that we can bring hope and healing to whoever the Lord brings into our homes.  

     As always, we are praying for you and want to wish you a very blessed Christmas season!

     

It's Just Pie

    Dough, filling, maybe some sugar, and you have a pie.  It's a staple during the holiday season.  So many cultures and families are steeped heavily in tradition and that includes food.  Think about your favorite holiday songs growing up. We heard "Chestnuts on an open fire, figgy pudding, later we'll have some pumpkin pie, marshmallows for toasting". Stories that include milk and cookies, and a great roast beast being stolen as well. Even food networks have cookie bake offs during the holiday season.  It's everywhere. 

    Now apply that to a child in care.  All of the traditions that we keep and hold so dear, they have that too.  They may have even grown up in a completely different culture where Christmas is foreign to them.  We have to be super sleuths when it comes to navigating the water during this time of year.  

    Add to that, the smell of turkey roasting, pies cooking, and everyone in celebration mode may make the child feel distant.  It may make them feel like they shouldn't participate out of reverence for his first family or they may just not know HOW to do a Holiday.  Do I sit at the kid's table? Am I talking too much or maybe not enough? There sure are a lot of strangers here. It can be overwhelming.

    It is so important to include as much culture as you can about the child who is staying with you.  Fun ways to do this would be researching recipes together and let them help as much as possible with buying and then cooking the food.  Look for ways to incorporate things they may see as loss.  Find out if there were holiday traditions and maybe let that be a bonding time with mother and child.  Let her get jammies for the night before,  or let her know that you will make sure that they get the hot cocoa and popcorn that they expect every year.  There are so many ways to use this time to strengthen their relationship as well as yours.  It is disarming to hear that a foster family is trying to honor the traditions that the child brings to the table.  

    As always, be mindful of comments made during large family gatherings.  Hearing, "How are her real parents doing" and "I knew they couldn't pull it together" can be very damaging for a child.  Try explaining ahead of time that you will not be discussing the case and if needed, that can be talked about on a different day. It is much better to cut that off well before the big day when it can lead to awkward situations.

    As you enjoy this beautiful season, all of Foster Blessings thanks you for doing the work.  We thank you for putting yourself last and the child first.  We thank you for hearing the loss and celebrating the victory.  You are making an impact every day that you are praying, loving, guiding, and teaching.  Have a wonderful start to the holiday season.