Children are a Blessing....Even When Having a Meltdown in Target

 I have to start this off with this....I am writing this to me.  There is a wonderful book titled, "No better mom for the job" by Becky Keife.  If you have not read it, I highly suggest it.  It was suggested to me after my son hurt his church mate over a toy, and I was at my wits end trying to navigate the world of special needs kids.  There are days on this parenting journey where you walk into the day with full confidence and assurance that you have finally mastered the art of mothering.  Now, I am not saying that happens often, but they do exist.  The other 364 days of the year can be filled with doubt, worry, anxiety, and angst, especially in today's world.  Our kids make mistakes.  Sometimes they are HUGE mistakes as this world pulls at them to follow it's path rather than the Lord's. As moms, we let that weigh into our own confidence and the roots begin to grow. 

Having special needs kids puts a whole new spin on our lives.  Things that we used to enjoy as a family, such as going out to dinner, having company over,  and social outings look very different now than in previous years. When we are invited to any function, so much thought goes into location (Will we be by a busy road? Is there unfenced water? How far can they run?) Social (How many people will be in attendance? Who is familiar to them? ) Emotional (Where can they regulate themselves? Who will put themselves out to engage with them?).  Our old lives were dictated by availability.  Our new lives are guided by laws we have set up for the safety and protection of all involved. 

I know we are not alone. The statistics of children coming from care and having some form of disability are staggering.  Whether it be educational, emotional, or physical, it is a prevalent theme for sure.  In fact, in our special needs children's church ministry, "All In", we have had 5 children who attend on a regular basis over the last 9 months and each one of them have been adopted through the foster care system.  That speaks volumes.

As with everything, how can I view this through a Biblical lens?  When every day feels like "Groundhog's Day" and the pattern of behaviors seems relentless, where is the Gospel? 

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" Jeremiah 1:5.  We must first remember our children are the Lord's.  He created them, He alone has their future planned.  His love for them is unmatched and that means that we can rest in His goodness, not our futile planning.  

"They were bringing the children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them.  But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God". Mark 10:13 I must be bringing them before the throne.  Quietly with the Lord and loudly so they hear, praying for and with our children is the best way to walk away from anxiety and fret that comes from the unknown.

 Lastly, "Children are a gift from the Lord." Psalm 127:3.  When we view our children as gifts, delights, wonders, (Yes, even in the midst of a meltdown in Target Mamas), we can change the way we see the situation. 

As we all have, I have had the most recent shooting in my head.  Mainly because we have a small Christian school where we worship that my daughter attended.  How many of those parents would do anything for a meltdown today?  Every day we have with our children, even the chaos filled ones, is a day that we can see them as a gift.  Let's hug our tantrum filled one minute, giggling the next,  little ones a little tighter tonight.  

     

Big Feelings? Little Feelings?

Big Feelings?  Little Feelings? Everything in Between?

                                                                            Free Download! 

          We call it a heart check.  How does your heart feel?  Is it racing or relaxed?  Look at your hands.  Are they shaking or still?  What about your stomach?  Do you feel butterflies or is it calm?  These are all good inward checks that we use to keep anxiety away, or be able to express it.  It could be first day jitters, or recital nerves, or maybe a fight with a friend or sibling.  

          One of our biggest tools is our heart check-in board. During self reflection, it is easier for children to see options and grade what they are feeling.  From there, you have a springboard to talk about why all of these big or little feelings are in your life.  Kids who have experienced loss may not know or understand how to process the trauma they have endured so just knowing that there is a struggle is the beginning of diving into the origins of the emotions.  

          The famous weeping of Jesus in John 11:35, and the anguish He felt in the garden in  Matthew 26, both show us that powerful feelings and emotions are not sinful. It is where we put them that shows our heart. Moses' social anxiety from his adoption left him feeling as an alien in both the Israelite and Egyptian circles.  Later, his loss came out as inferiority when the Lord asked him to go to Egypt and his response was, "Who am I that I should go?" Exodus 3:11, "I have never been eloquent." Exodus 4:10, and "Pardon your servant Lord, please send someone else." Exodus 4:13. I would be hard pressed to find any soul that has not endured some sort of this searing pain, whether it be from loss, or inflicted by another person, we all can pinpoint a time where the emotion was so strong that we we were sure we couldn't find our way out.  

          I am thankful that passages such as these show us the reality of life.  I love that the Lord didn't Instagram the Bible, letting us only see the beautiful parts while laundry is lurking behind every door.  He showed us the deepest flaws, the rawest emotions, and we find solace in that fact. When faced with the heaviness that life can throw, we see both Jesus and Moses having a conversation with the Lord.  It wasn't just blind faith. It was conversation.  It was prayer.  

           While using the tools we are given with our kids, the goal is to get them to seek the Lord.  When they are worried about their birth parents, they can pray.  When reunification is not certain, they can pray.  Maybe there is a big test in school, a friend hurt their heart, or they are just unsettled about life, they can pray. 

        Download this great tool for free and heart check your kids on a regular basis!  You will love the conversation it brings out!