When Hollywood Gets it Wrong

 When Hollywood Misses the Mark

        "She's not my sister.  She's a fugitive orphan".  

        Parent hitting child in the head, "Yes, she is your sister.  Now do what she says".

        The adopted child says she wants to search for her first family and is told she is

         ungrateful and that it will hurt the adoptive family deeply, but they will help.

        "Puss in Boots, The Last Wish", is Hollywood getting it wrong.  When you have roughly 135,000 children adopted in the United States every year, we should be moving towards a place where a movie that is geared towards children, would be more inclusive of children living in foster and adoptive homes.  "Goldilocks" should not have to feel guilt about the natural curiosity that comes from being raised away from her first family.

        The mark that Hollywood is missing is the first family loss. At different parts of an adoptees life, they will wonder, question, and think about their origins.  Think about this. 23 and Me, the DNA Registry created to track our blood line and countries of origin, made 272 million dollars just in 2022.  In 2023, I will be joining those numbers to find information on my own birth father.

        Scripture is filled with genealogy.  In fact, the New Testament opens with it.  Matthew connects the dots of Jesus to Abraham and to David pointing to his promised coming through both biblical figures.  Our culture, heritage and lineage have a deep impact on how we view ourselves and our life choices. However, most adopted children do not have that information.  

        So, we have the hard conversations with our kids and with each other.  In the end, Goldilock's adoptive family has her back, so there is a bit of redemption there, but the guilt trip laid on was out of bounds and as a society, we need to do better.  Let's pray for the kids in care who hear these harmful words and pray for those in Hollywood to be better informed about these young minds and hearts.

The irony?

Goldilock's key phrase in the movie?

"That was not just right"

Merry Christmas!

      Merry Christmas!  We know that even at this time of year, your family dynamic could be changing.  We know the phone still rings with calls from the home finding unit through the whole holiday season, and as disheartening as that is, we thank you for opening your home, even now.  

     Last year, according to The Family Preservation Foundation, 437,283 children were removed from their first families.  That increases the number of of over 9 million children being removed in the last 20 years.  That is astounding.  

     We have seen families take in children on Christmas Eve, and our own daughter was placed with us on Easter Eve, several years ago. The way the community comes together during these times is such an encouragement!  We had a friend who went out that day and bought us a car seat. Having only hours to prepare to take in a child, especially during a holiday, adds a whole lot to an already messy situation.  However, there is a grace that the Lord extends in the chaos.  

     This season, as we look and see foster and adoptive families around us, let's find a way to be a blessing to them.  That might mean a perfectly timed card of encouragement, offering to make a meal, babysitting so the parents can Christmas shop, or just a listening ear.  There are so many ways to support our families, especially during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.   

     Finally, as we have children in our home who have lost their first families, either permanently, or for the time being, let's look at Jesus in the manger.  He was born for His last day, and on that day, the phrase He uttered, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me"? Matthew 27:46 shows great loss. That day, rather than on us, God poured his wrath on Jesus, who bore our judgement.  The agony that He endured can almost be felt as the words leap off the page. Jesus understands loss, He endured loss and the wonderful truth as we celebrate this Christmas season, is that He did it for us.  He is the Romans 6:23 free gift of God of eternal life.  This tiny baby, that so humbly came to earth in a dirty stable, surrounded by animals as he breathed his first breath, is the reason that we can bring hope and healing to whoever the Lord brings into our homes.  

     As always, we are praying for you and want to wish you a very blessed Christmas season!

     

It's Just Pie

    Dough, filling, maybe some sugar, and you have a pie.  It's a staple during the holiday season.  So many cultures and families are steeped heavily in tradition and that includes food.  Think about your favorite holiday songs growing up. We heard "Chestnuts on an open fire, figgy pudding, later we'll have some pumpkin pie, marshmallows for toasting". Stories that include milk and cookies, and a great roast beast being stolen as well. Even food networks have cookie bake offs during the holiday season.  It's everywhere. 

    Now apply that to a child in care.  All of the traditions that we keep and hold so dear, they have that too.  They may have even grown up in a completely different culture where Christmas is foreign to them.  We have to be super sleuths when it comes to navigating the water during this time of year.  

    Add to that, the smell of turkey roasting, pies cooking, and everyone in celebration mode may make the child feel distant.  It may make them feel like they shouldn't participate out of reverence for his first family or they may just not know HOW to do a Holiday.  Do I sit at the kid's table? Am I talking too much or maybe not enough? There sure are a lot of strangers here. It can be overwhelming.

    It is so important to include as much culture as you can about the child who is staying with you.  Fun ways to do this would be researching recipes together and let them help as much as possible with buying and then cooking the food.  Look for ways to incorporate things they may see as loss.  Find out if there were holiday traditions and maybe let that be a bonding time with mother and child.  Let her get jammies for the night before,  or let her know that you will make sure that they get the hot cocoa and popcorn that they expect every year.  There are so many ways to use this time to strengthen their relationship as well as yours.  It is disarming to hear that a foster family is trying to honor the traditions that the child brings to the table.  

    As always, be mindful of comments made during large family gatherings.  Hearing, "How are her real parents doing" and "I knew they couldn't pull it together" can be very damaging for a child.  Try explaining ahead of time that you will not be discussing the case and if needed, that can be talked about on a different day. It is much better to cut that off well before the big day when it can lead to awkward situations.

    As you enjoy this beautiful season, all of Foster Blessings thanks you for doing the work.  We thank you for putting yourself last and the child first.  We thank you for hearing the loss and celebrating the victory.  You are making an impact every day that you are praying, loving, guiding, and teaching.  Have a wonderful start to the holiday season.